How to Have a Positive Fight
Posted on November 3rd, 2016
It might seem crazy to think of fighting as a positive thing. Even the word fight conjures up a negative association. Fighting can be positive, however, because if combined with compassionate listening, we learn and gain constructive feedback about how to move forward after the fight. For instance, we either will see the other person’s point of view and be able to work things out, or we’ll understand that it’s time to move on. Life is what you make it so if you learn something from an experience, you win because you expand and grow.
The key to fighting is to remembering to b r e a t h e. When we fight, we often get carried away with our emotions, completely forgetting our breath and the toll that not breathing has on our bodies. So practicing breathing when you’re feeling good makes it easier to access your breath during a fight. It’s quite a challenge to ask yourself to breathe in crisis mode if it’s a foreign concept that you’re not used to!
Simply by breathing, we can crank down the emotional intensity and actually have a conversation. It’s key to let the other person speak without interruptions, even if what they are saying isn’t true. Don’t immediately react if they say something hurtful, instead focus on your breath. Chances are that if you remain calm, you might even lower the intensity of the other person’s vibe and that they will listen to what you have to say when it’s your turn to speak. It’s not always easy to stay calm in a fight but it does make for much stronger communication which can make a negative experience slightly less miserable. A fight that is all yelling and no listening is the perfect recipe for some dismal vibes.
When we lose connection to our breath and let emotions rule our actions, we forget to listen and then get more emotionally charged. If we act from this emotional headspace, we limit ourselves from being able to calmly and clearly communicate what we need to express, as well as understanding where the other person might be coming from.
If you feel yourself getting worked up, the key is to take a second to regroup and focus. Focus on the inhales and the exhales. Just a few moments to revaluate where you are in that moment can prevent you from saying unnecessary harmful comments, as well as maintaining your cool. With each breath, picture a golden positive energy within you glowing brighter and brighter. You are pure love and deserve the best in life. Instead of letting the negative words get you down, change your mantra to remember your inner power.
If the fight goes badly, it can be a very painful learning experience and difficult to bounce back. If the fight feels like you’ve been broken, remember how strong you are. Remind yourself that this experience will make you wiser, more humble and compassionate – all attributes that will add something amazing to your character. Continue to nourish your inner warrior with positive affirmations, healthy foods, meditation, exercise and self-care rituals while you process all this new information. Let yourself feel what you need to feel but always compliment heavy emotions with laughter or something that fuels your soul. You will get through this dark time. A fighter is someone who picks themself back up after they are knocked down, and you are most definitely a fighter.